Sunday, March 22, 2015

Why I'm Thankful for My Ex's 2 AM, Drunken, Break-up Call

I recently heard the quote “rain makes tree’s roots grow deeper.” I jotted it down because it sounded neat but after a while it started to linger in my head. Maybe because my ex boyfriend had just broken up with me (if you could even consider it a break up). I’m not sure that there really is any “ideal” form of heartbreak, but this certainly wasn’t it.

We had only been officially dating for a couple of weeks, but we were “together” a month or two prior to that. Not long, I know. But we were still boyfriend and girlfriend. I thought he was super cute and charming. He thought I was beautiful and quirky. It worked. We worked. For two weeks.

I went on a mission trip to Peru for Spring Break and everything was fine between he and I when I was gone. In fact, everything seemed perfect even in the few hours leading up to our break up.

Just hours after I returned from South America (completely exhausted, mind you), he called me. AT TWO IN THE MORNING. He was very clearly drunk, and he began telling me that our relationship was not working and that he couldn’t give me the stability that I needed (somehow he was sober enough to realize that).

I immediately called my best friend and told her what just happened and she, being out of town and recognizing that it was now 3:00 am, told me to pop a few Benadryl and go back to sleep. She promised to come over the next morning. I cried myself to sleep, partly from sleep deprivation and partly because I had just been woken up to an unexpected break up call. At this point, despite the humungo spiders, sub par water temperatures and nonexistent cell service, I was ready to hop back on the Peruvian express straight back to Amazon.

After a few hours of sleep and a good morning slap in the face from my friend, I was able to get my head on straight. Not only had I just been broken up with by an intoxicated frat boy over the phone in the middle of the night, but I hadn’t heard anything more from him. No call. No text. No explanation for his level of intoxication or indecency (not that it would have mattered at this point). Nothing. Who does that?

This was ultimately my ex-boyfriend’s way of showing me his true character. If he didn’t have the confidence to break up with me in person, there’s no way he would have the ability to build up my confidence throughout the relationship. If he lacked the courage to break up with me when he was sober, how on earth would he have the courage to step out for me in other situations? And worst of all, DO NOT WAKE ME UP AT TWO IN THE MORNING. FOR ANYTHING. Especially with bad news because I will be extra sad due to loss of beauty sleep and let’s be real, we could all use a little bit more of that (unless you’re a Kardashian- Party all night, sleep during surgeries).

Because my ex and I only dated for two weeks, this saved me from hurt later. I’m very thankful that I had only shared a few secrets and special moments with him because later on, this situation could have been much worse. This break up made me a stronger person.

Sometimes people make bad decisions and we are the ones who pay for it whether we deserve to or not. I was forced to learn forgiveness through this break up. Without forgiving my ex I would carry the weight of the love lost on my shoulders.

I’ve realized that I need stability in a relationship. And no, I’m not talking about financial stability (although, that wouldn’t hurt either). I don’t NEED to be dependent on a man, but if I choose to place my trust in him, he WILL be a man of integrity. Instability is a sinking ship and it’s one I will no longer board.

I wont say the break up was easy. Of course I cried and ate cranberry-filled chocolate in light of the situation, but his mistake and my tears were worth the lesson learned.

I am worth so much more than a two o’clock in the morning, drunken, break-up phone call. I will not stop giving my heart away. Guarding it? Always. But not keeping it for myself. Life is full of trial and error and that’s what this is all about. My ex-boyfriend was so wrong for how he broke up with me, but without his mistake, I wouldn’t be able to put the few extra puzzle pieces together to figure out who I am and what kind of guy I really want to be with. I will keep pushing on until I find someone who is worth every previous heartbreak.

Although he was incredibly sweet (for a couple of months anyway), after stepping back and thinking about the situation for the past few days, I have realized I’m so thankful that this is how he broke up with me. Mainly for the lessons it taught me, but also because I’ll be able to laugh at the behavior in a few years.

Just like a tree, standing in the midst of a storm, through chaos and the curve balls that life throws at us, our strength to move on grows and we really do become stronger people. Not to be mistaken with becoming numb to pain, but we get to a state when we are able to look at the situation we’re in, realize we’ve conquered worse, and use that strength to speed up the process of our healing hearts.

I look at it like this: Yea, he was totally a jerk. Totally. But I got over two months of free lunches and the occasional dinner, and that’s worth so much more.

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